Perfect Retirement: Old Soldier for Hire

I'll kill Somali-coast pirates for you or die trying.

You provide the turret and sighted, twin-50 caliber machine guns, a mechanic for their maintenance, and enough ammo for practice and sustained firefights.

All I need is a private bunk, 3 squares, good coffee, and just enough stipend monies for port calls to buy a bottle, rent a woman, and load-up on smokes and replacement clothing; satellite internet would have me scream, "BO-NUS!"

Should I perish in the process, heroically or from old age or the effects of said bottle and cigarets, you may wrap me in Old Glory, and commit me to the deep six with the playing of 3 songs via .mp3: Samuel Barber's Adagio for Strings (Leonard Bernstein), The Navy Hymn (USNA Choir) and any respectful rendition of the USA's national anthem.

My references succumbed to the accuracy of my handiwork, but you'll find my military record and commendations  deptict a soldier whose actions "reflected highest credit upon his unit, the United States Army, and the United States of America."

Should my demise occur before the U.S. fiscal bankruptcy follows moral bankruptcy into the crapper, somebody else can have my Social Security while you, your crew and cargo enjoy the sense of security I provided for a mere pittance and my opportunity to feel worthy as I went out with a bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang