Just Like on TV

Jobless drop-out 20-year old street-creature Tuff Guy was riding his bike, short-cutting through the mall's parking lot and not even thinking about being mischievous.

He spotted his dream car, a 'beamer screamer' BMW650i that cost somebody 90-grand, so he cross-cut the long rows, gliding over a couple to check-out the 'beamer.'

He pulled-up on the passenger side and eyed a prize in the front passenger's seat: a slim-line laptop computer case, and thought 'BO-NUS!'

To avoid looking suspicious, he laid his bike flat on the ground and, just like on TV, he bent his right arm and rared it back so his elbow would shatter the glass and he could make off with the computer before anyone could blink twice.

Just like on TV, the elbow's impact broke the glass, alright, but unlike TV, Tuff Guy nicked an artery, and collapsed in a heap over his bicycle and slowly bled to death as the car's alarm sent ear-splitting honks and beeps slicing through the morning's quiet air.

Just like in real life, none of the hundreds of people in the parking lot paid any attention to the car alarm going off or Tough Guy might have gotten first aid, lived through the ordeal and gone to jail, and maybe even been featured on "World's Dumbest Criminals," yeah, on TV!